Draco Malfoy Has Deleted His Facebook Account
by JediTears09
Summary: Hermione invites the boys over for summer break. Draco is curious about this "internet" business, so she helps him set up a Facebook. Unfortunately, Ron hacks it and causes all sorts of mayhem.


_A/N: __This is just a fluffy little piece I thought up while browsing everyone's favorite social networking site. It was going to be a one-shot, but it just sort of kept writing itself, so it will probably be two or three chapters once it's done. This is set while Dramione is a pre-established relationship, and I suppose around the summer of their sixth year. Yes, we are pretending like there was no plot that year, haha. It's just a summer side story. Oh, and I threw in a few AVPM references just for laughs. If you don't know what that is, please go watch it, just forget about this fic and go watch it, now. Anyway, please enjoy!_

_P.S., I have absolutely nothing against Ron! I'm rather fond of him, actually, he just sort of became the antagonist here. Don't judge him too harshly, he's still rather put off that Hermione picked Draco!_

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><p><em>Draco Malfoy Has Deleted His Facebook Account<em>

…

"_Please?"_

"No. Absolutely not."

Hermione perched on the arm of the sofa, holding the phone well away from her ear.

"Ronald. You don't have to shout. For the hundredth time, it does not matter how far away you are, I will still be able to hear you if you just talk normally. Okay?"

"Okay," Ron yelled. "But there is still no way in hell I'm spending a week living in the same house as _Malfoy_."

Hermione sighed as a retching noise came over the phone, and she could only imagine the disgusted face Ron was making.

"Listen, sometime or another, you're going to have to accept that Draco and I are dating."

Another gagging noise.

"I just want you boys to get along. You don't have to like each other- I'd just appreciate it if you didn't keep trying to murder one another."

"Maybe that'd be easier if he wasn't such a dirty foul git."

_Time to switch tactics_. "Harry's said he'll come. He's willing to try to work things out."

"Yeah, but if he doesn't go to your place, he'll be stuck at the Dursley's. He hates it there, he'd probably agree to spending a week at Snape's house, too."

_Okay, last resort._ "Mum says she'll make plenty of muggle foods for you to try."

Silence.

"…Ron?"

"Oh, alright. Bloody hell, Hermione, the things I do for you. Dad says he can apparate me there in the morning."

Hermione hung up the phone, smiling. She should have mentioned the food first.

…

"Hermione, dear, are you sure this is a good idea?"

Mrs. Granger tipped the kettle, pouring her daughter a cup of hot tea.

"I mean, I like all three of them, they're very nice boys. But... they don't get on very well together, do they?"

"Don't worry, mum. I think they'll be alright. At least, I'll keep them from destroying the house."

…

Sunday morning found Harry and Ron lounging on the Grangers' living room couch.

"So where is the git? Is he that rude that he can't turn up on time?"

"_Draco_ told me he might be late, something important came up at the last minute."

As if on cue, the doorbell rang. Hermione trotted out into the foyer, and opened the door- a large bouquet of red and black roses presented themselves. Draco smiled as Hermione blushed and kissed him on the cheek, then backed up to let him in.

Mrs. Granger stuck her head out from the kitchen. "Draco, dear, would you like some tea?"

"That would be wonderful, Mrs. Granger, thank-you."

They went back into the living room, where Harry was watching the news and Ron was skeptically examining the TV remote. Both looked up- Ron made a face, Harry gave a curt nod, and then they both went back to what they were doing. Draco looked dubiously at Hermione, who shrugged and pushed him over to the couch.

"Hermione, how does this thing work?" Ron asked, smacking the remote against his knee and causing the TV to flip to a show about prairie dogs.

Harry snatched it away from him and changed the channel back.

"It's a laser beam, Ron, you press the number of the channel you want and it sends a message to the TV to change it."

"Okay, how does this "Tee Vee" work then?"

Hermione sighed exasperatedly. "Harry?"

Harry set off trying to explain to Ron how the television worked, and Mrs. Granger came in with a tray of tea. They all murmured, "Thank-you."

"So how have your summers been so far? Draco? I haven't seen you in a while."

"Well, I've been busy lately… I've been shadowing some jobs, you know, trying to decide what I want to do. Last week I worked at St. Mungo's, and the week before that I was training with an auror."

Mrs. Granger nodded vaguely.

"St. Mungo's is the hospital- aurors are the wizard cops, mum," Hermione whispered.

"Ohhh, then that's wonderful, dear. How about you, Harry?"

"Ahh, well… it's been fine," Harry lied.

Mrs. Granger looked expectantly at Ron, who opened his mouth (probably to complain about being dragged there for a 'vacation' with Malfoy), but the phone rang in the kitchen and Mrs. Granger hurried to answer it.

Using the distraction, Ron kicked Draco in the shins under the coffee table. Draco growled and caught Ron full in the face with a throw pillow. As Ron spluttered and wiped pillow fuzz off his tongue, Harry carefully moved the teapot to the other side of the table, to keep the poor thing away from the tussle.

Hermione said, "Boys!" in a very authoritative tone, and they both looked at her sheepishly.

After a full minute of well-behaved silence, a small "ding" came from the other room.

"What was that," asked Ron.

"Oh, that'll be the computer. Hang on, I'll go check it, maybe I've got mail."

"What's a computer? And what does she mean mail, I don't see any owls. 'Sides, who'd be writing to her when both of us are here!" Ron questioned Harry as Hermione left the room.

Unable to convince Ron that you could send mail through an electronic box like the "Tee Vee", they all moved out into the other room.

Hermione was seated at the computer desk, typing away at the keyboard, and Ron peered over her shoulder to read what she was writing.

"Who's in this box thing, Hermione?"

"There's no one in the box, Ronald, I'm talking to Dean. His parents are muggles, so they have a computer too."

"Wait, so, Dean is in his house… and you're in your house… and he can read these words once you type them in on this… typey thing?" Ron said uncertainly.

"That's right."

He pointed at the blue logo at the top of the screen. "So what's a 'face book'?"

"It's like… like a way to keep in touch with friends when you're not around each other. You can leave people messages, send them photos, etcetera."

"Huh." Not finding this the least bit interesting, Ron traipsed back out into the sitting room and plunked down on the couch with a biscuit. Harry gave Draco a "don't try anything" look, then followed him.

Draco leaned over and inspected the apple logo on the side of the computer, and announced, "I'm getting one of these things."

Hermione's finger stopped on the "o" key, so her "no" turned into "nooooooooooooooo." "Really? Do wizard houses even get internet service?"

Draco huffed, "Father will work something out. And what is this book thing called again, I want to be in it."

"Facebook? Really? And what would you do with a Facebook? The only people on here are either muggle-borns or half-bloods. If I recall, I'm the only one of those you like."

Draco frowned. "I told you, I'm over that ignorant phase. I rather like Seamus, does he have a factbook?"

"_Face_book," Hermione corrected patiently. "And yes, he does. See? This is his profile."

"Ah, look, his eyebrows have grown back nicely!"

Hermione typed, "Draco says your eyebrows are looking good! :)" into the comment box.

"No, don't tell him I said that!" Draco moaned.

"You have to actually show people that you like them, Draco, or they won't be able to tell. As far as I know, he's still terrified of you…"

"I sort of miss those days… you know, when everyone was scared of me. It was quite nice. Maybe I'll hex Longbottom later and repair a bit of my ruined reputation."

"You will not," Hermione said sharply.

"I'm only kidding. Mostly."

Before Hermione could say anything, Draco continued, "So could you help me set one of these things up now?"

"I don't see why not…" she said, still trying to decide if this could end badly in any way.

Draco stared intently at the screen, waiting for something to happen.

When it didn't, he looked at Hermione. "…Well?"

Still looking for possible implications, Hermione gave a start and said, "Oh, right. Well, I'll set you up an e-mail account, what do you want your username and password to be?"

"My what and what?"

"You wizards are completely useless, honestly. Alright, it'll just be ',' and your password is 'littleD,' alright? I'll write it down for you."

"Hey, what does the 'D' stand for?" Draco said in an offended tone.

"D stands for Draco, what else?" she said absently as she scribbled his login information on a post-it note.

"Oh… no, nothing, please continue."

"Alright, so I'll just fill out the preliminary form, and then let you do the rest, okay?"

Draco looked at the mouse as though it were indeed a real mouse, and he didn't really want to touch it, but nodded anyway.

Hermione typed in his name, e-mail, password and birthday (he was impressed that she remembered, and made a mental note to ask her mum when Hermione's birthday was), and another, longer form popped up.

"Alright then, it's all yours. Oh, and there's a folder of pictures on the desktop of us, you can just pick one of those to use as your profile picture. I'm going to go check on Harry and Ron, just let me know if you need anything."

She walked away shaking her head and grinning as Draco plopped down on the rolling chair and nearly fell off as it slid a few inches across the floor. She could hear him muttering about who the hell put wheels on chair legs as she closed the door and sat down between Harry and Ron.

Draco rolled the mouse across the desk a few times to get a feel for it, and only lost track of the little white arrow once, which he took to be a good omen.

This isn't going to be so hard, he thought.

Education: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (He didn't like typing, Draco decided at once. His fingers were clumsy and hit all the wrong keys.)

Religious views: (Draco frowned. He wasn't really sure of his opinion on this, so he skipped it.)

Political views: NOT Harry Potter for Minister of Magic

Favorite Quotations: (…Another blank. He didn't really have any favorite quotations.)

Favorite Teams: Wimbourne Wasps, Bulgaria, Slytherin House Team

Music: The Weird Sisters

Books: Anything but Hogwarts, A History

Games: Exploding Snap, Wizard Chess

Activities: Quidditch, writing, turning down thousands of marriage proposals, and being heartbreakingly handsome

About You: I'm going into my seventh year at Hogwarts, and I hope to be either an auror or a healer.

Interested in: Women

Relationship Status: In a relationship with Hermione Granger (He smiled.)

Sex: Male

It prompted him to select a profile picture, and he spent a few reminiscent minutes scanning through the photo folder. He finally clicked on the picture of Hermione and him that had been taken earlier that month, outside in the garden. Hermione looked so radiantly happy, it was stunning. And Draco, of course, looked fabulous as well.

It then asked him to add people as friends, and he clicked on everyone he recognized from Hogwarts. Penelope Clearwater, Colin and Dennis Creevey, Justin Finch-Fletchley, Hermione Granger, Hannah Abbott, Oliver Wood, Ernie Macmillan, Lee Jordan, Seamus Finnigan, Michael Corner and Lavender Brown were about to receive the shock of their lives in the form of a friend request from one Draco Malfoy.


End file.
